83 - Moving Target (1988) Blairvember 2017
It’s Blairvember week 3 and we have truly hit the bottom of Linda Blair’s career. Our favorite Grindbin actress finds herself barely in a movie that’s not much more than a glorified skinamax movie. What’s even more depressing is that Ernest Borgnine joins her in this swamp.
In careers as long and varied as Borgnine and Blair’s there are the inevitable missteps and regrets. Moving Target is something beyond the typical bad movie, it’s a pure abomination; and we love it.
With production values so low they rival those of Miami Connection, Moving Target is a movie that nobody was meant to see. An oddity of the direct-to-video market that sat rent-less on shelves until falling into the bargain bins and eventually into complete obscurity.
The movie has the plotline of your average porno. An unlikeable tennis teacher - who is somehow rich - has someone claiming to be his long lost daughter show up in the hospital. Unsure if this is actually his daughter or not, he brings her back to his home and eventually sleeps with her.
Linda Blair, in her five minutes of screentime, plays a doctor who is hopelessly chasing the tennis pro until he dumps her to have sex with his own daughter. In her almost cameo, Linda gives one of the most listless performances of all time; slogging through her lines, well aware of the asinine dialogue given to her.
Ernest Borgnine plays a police detective who is trying to solve the case of the missing girl, a murder, and some medallion. It’s all worthless but in the best possible way.
Everyone involved worked solely for the paycheck and that’s clearly on screen. Performances are wooden and laughable, dialogue is atrociously written and delivered with disdain, and complete scenes seem to be missing - whether by choice in the editing bay or mistake on set.
A glorious mess that should be celebrated as truly one of the worst Linda Blair movies ever made, and a hell of a lot of fun to watch.
